Once upon a time, during the age collectively known as “The 80’s,” a certain singer made a solo album with a bunch of hit songs. The singer’s name was George Michael. The album was “Faith,” and one of my favorite songs was the title track. I used to sing along with it when it played on MTV; imitating George Michael’s moves and imagining that I too had a giant gold cross swaying from my ear and that I was wearing actual Ray-Ban Aviators, and not a pair of ten-dollar shades I bought at the local Stop-N-Go. I should probably pause real quick for those of you who are perhaps of a younger generation. The MTV of yore used to play music videos. In fact, wait for it, that is what the M stands for! I know – you come for the HR, but leave with so much more.
Which is what brings me to today’s entry: Faith. This is going to get a little personal, and frankly it might even turn some readers off, but I have to get it out there.
Recently (as in about 2 months ago), I found myself in a place that few people want to be in – searching for full-time work. I was fortunate in that I knew the change was coming, which was nice. This isn’t to say I wasn’t concerned because, let’s face it, I don’t exactly write this blog for money, honey. While I do know people whose sole occupation is blogging, they also live with their parents and conveniently “forget” their wallets every time we meet for lunch.
When I first learned that I would be needing to make a change, I found myself having some pretty regular conversations with God; to the point that I think He was getting tired of hearing from me. I asked for the right job, one that He wanted me in; one where I could do the most good, as defined by Him. I also threw in one minor, personal, selfish request as well: that I would have a job before I left my previous employer.
One day, about 3 weeks into this new adventure, I was walking the dog and praying (pleading, really). As I walked, prayed, and wondered if I had brought enough poop bags, I felt a sense of calm; a feeling in my bones, that He would answer this prayer. That I was going to have a job before leaving my other one. After this experience, and it really was an experience, I felt better.
For about a month.
Then, with a little less than a week before the big day, I started to have doubts.
A lot of doubts.
Maybe I hadn’t heard from God, but rather I had heard from that afternoon’s burrito. Maybe I hadn’t heard from God, but rather had heard what I wanted to hear. Maybe, maybe, maybe… Then I was reminded of what has now become my personal mission statement: Proverbs 3:5 & 6, which reads “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.” As I read and re-read those verses, I was taken back to Jesus telling us that if we only have the faith of a mustard seed, we can move mountains. It is easy to read, and even believe at a core level, but actually practicing faith. Practicing trusting God with ALL your heart – yeah, that’s a whole other can of worms. That said, I did practice (and pray) – a LOT. Now, I didn’t become a model of faith – no mountains moved, but I do know that when I faced that fear and doubt, I would remind myself that I just had to have faith.
And then the day came. I had my exit interview, carried out what few personal belongings I hadn’t carted off the day before, and left for an interview in another town. As I drove home, I continued to remind myself that I truly did believe that God had spoken to me in a small, still voice while on that walk, and that all I needed was to have faith and I would have a job before the end of the day.
And I kept reminding myself of this. Even as I looked at the clock in the car and wondered if perhaps God wasn’t on Central Standard Time (which is crazy, I know. Texas is CST, so heaven must be as well).
I got home a few minutes before 5, and did the best I could to push back those doubts. Then the phone rang and the perfect opportunity for me right now was on the other end. That was Thursday, May 31st. I started my new job Tuesday, June 5th.
If you are in the same boat, just remember the immortal words of George Michael: “I just gotta have faith, mmmm, I gotta have faith… I just gotta have faith, ah faith, ah faith-ah!” Maybe this will help. Feel free to dance around. Earring, stubble, jacket and sunglasses are entirely optional: